I know, it’s not Wednesday. I’m a little late in posting these even though I finished them on Tuesday night. Yesterday was a bit of a mess but that happens. I’m trying to roll with it and move on. I didn’t want to wait until next week because … well I didn’t want to. But also because I felt like there was a good lesson in my process for these two paintings. It didn’t take long for me to start to feel all up in my head about the compliments that I received for my other watercolor paintings. The one that got to me the most was someone who said they never would have guessed that my painting was done by a beginner, by someone who had never worked with watercolor before. It didn’t take me much thinking to break down why that comment bothered me so much. In fact one of the biggest reasons I took up watercolor painting was to be a beginner at something again and to appreciate that process, to love something for the opportunity to be a learner without feeling like I needed to be perfect, or have it already mastered. So that compliment, unknowingly, really wrecked me. I struggled hard with these two paintings. I even had a moment where I cried a couple tears. The first painting on here, Foggy Trees, was a struggle. I had already started the process from a place of fear and struggle, not with joy and excitement. I was in the same headspace as with my writing: that I have something to prove. Then my second mistake was to follow a guide video from someone I hadn’t watched before. My third and huge mistake was to not even have the sound of that video on because I was trying to use my background music to keep me grounded. Without having his advice to help me understand the pacing, I rushed the painting, and that does not work well for watercolor. I really started to lose my cool when I got down to the trees at the bottom. That’s where I shed a few tears and my tree branches turned into a soupy mess. But you know, at that point a miracle also happened. I did something I don’t usually do. Instead of giving up and quitting, I tried again. I picked another video because I knew I needed a clean start and when that also didn’t start off well (holy cow I made the colors way too dark) I started that one over and was patient and came up with something pretty beautiful. Was it perfect? Absolutely not. And I don’t want it to be. Because I’m tired of perfect being the killer of everything good and creative. So I had to post this today, even though it’s late, even though this shared story is a mess. Even though I’m tired. All that matters is that I’m here and I’m showing up. I don’t care how cheesy that sounds. I’m here. I’m messy. And that’s not just ok, that’s great.
Foggy Trees
Blueridge Mountains
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